INVASION OF THE BIKINI LOOK ALIKES

Tipped off to look for a Liz Taylor film Saturday in HOLLYWOOD VIDEO's classics selection, I found an old Elvis movie that I had never heard of, called CLAMBAKE. The first thing that came to mind was that B52s landing strip on Sienna Miller's little clam pic. So I grabbed it.

Walking back by APPLEBEES and TARGET, a huge FOUNTAIN speed boat trailored by, as I waiting to cross. On the back it said "WHO CARES". I have never seen a sea race boat in my life on Hwy.410, like the one at:
http://www.december.com/places/mke/images/raceboat.jpg .

Stopping at THE CHECKOUT, I set my pack down up front by the dog food sacks, then did a big double-take when I realized that there was a display of Elis style wood guitars stacked right above it; on close-out for $49. [Does Mandy Moore play guitar? I know Mini Driver does.]

The incredibly gay UNITED ARTISTS musical is about a wealthy Tom Cruise figure. Who loves fast boats, bikes, and cars, and who decides at a HASTY TASTY gas dinner to role play Greg Relf; a lowly water-ski instructor at a Paris Hilton hotel in Miami. Soon he meets up with a brunet bangs middle America Kate Holmes look alike sweetheart. Who is down there for the tourist season, hunting for a rich husband.

The plot thickens when Greg introduces his special "goop" sealant. That is good for creating a sealed temple marriage that will last much longer than say, Renee's beach party wedding, or Mr Burton's multiple marriages to Liz. Originally thought of as an idea for the physical restoration of Burton's ‘BBX 109' cherry pipe smoking race boat, that he renames RAW HIDE, no.99 [Read 100]. The gran prix climax is $10,000 for NAM's future 10,000 maniacs BB.

Like yours truly, he works all night on the stuff, and eventually gets rescued in the end by a team of bikini robots. Amazingly, he gets to kiss each and every one of them. The last shot has Kate Holmes fainted in my STINGRAY when she realizes who I am. Of course, in the 1967 semi B movie's Florida background, we can see the mountains and hills of southern California.

My movie was discovered just in time for the 666 maniacs campaign race down in Florida, on Heather Graham's 1.29 birthday. If anyone could do a boogie nights bikini movie, with ample tanning goop scenes, it's her.

Last night, I dreamed that Bruce Willis and I were conspiring to smuggle Jennifer Aniston and her TRAVELING co-star Aaron Eckhart out of a strange shopping mall prison. That was guarded by some mean Big Foot size Soviet Nazi nurse lady. We decided to hide them inside a children's pioneer wagon ride, like the one in CLAMBAKE's play yard scene. Where the king sings to the kids about courage [Read faith], and the gay guy gets a suction arrow in his forehead. When we made our break and got outside, we found ourselves in snow covered Orem, Utah, near the Provo River highway to Sundance. Last I heard, Willis still keeps one of those huge MIAMI VICE style ocean race boats up in Santa Barbara.

Yours, GSR/TWN

PS: Amazingly, all the Miami hotel swingers rooms are ‘26_' for Florida's 26 latitude circumcision cutting line prophecy, starting at Hollywood, FL, and running over to the African Safari gardens on Hwy.41, off Charlize I-75, near a place called Golden Gate. Note the scene where the king sings about eternal love, while a reluctant Sally role plays Jessica Alba, pouring handfuls of sand on their beach fire.