MACHETE

That prestigious country club Republican lawyer who endorsed the foreign born Barack Obama and became the ambassador to Malta, Douglas Kmiec, crashed his car on the north side of Malibu Wednesday, killing a Catholic nun in the car named Mary Campbell. Who stood in for Lindsay's bad ass nun assassin in the same day's LA premier of MACHETE. Confirmed a few hours later by those new TMZ pix of LL behind the wheel of a devil's pitchfork MASERATI. The popular paparazzi show always ends with the satiric line, "I'm a lawyer!"

She must have been pretty hacked up, because both the high society Chicago mob lawyer and a senior church monsignor were also pretty banged up. The CADDY SHACK pitchfork angle on the D&C 86 bishop turd thing comes from Kmiec being the [Chicago mob] Caruso Family Chair and Professor of Constitutional Law at the church sponsored Pepperdine University in Mel Gibson's Malibu. As it was portrayed to be a Republican porn town in my 1997 middle-of-the-road biopic THE BIG LEBOWSKI.

Of course, I haven't seen MACHETE yet. But it must have something to do with those 72 illegals who were found murdered across the border from Brownsville, Texas on the same day the LBJ/JFK/MLK letter man ridiculed Phoenixville's legit efforts to stop the chocolate brown blob in his opening monologue joke about Miss Mexico not being welcome in Arizona.

Whatever. I did see a sporting goods store ad for a hunting rifle with scope at the 211 STARBUCKS Thursday afternoon. Right as a deputy was shot by a sniper on the loose just east of Fredonia, Arizona, west of Page, and the Obama backing Republican landmark of Lake Powell. Where they filmed the PLANET OF THE APES prophecy in 1967, co-starring the future NRA leader, Charlton Heston.

This is why they finally caught that dangerous Sterling, Colorado prison escapee named Douglas Alward on Wednesday near Rt.59's Yuma, Co. Where the Republican River flows east along Hwy.34, not Hwy.33.

GSR/TWN