CASTING NOTES:

Right now I'm in the millennial pre-production process of writing and casting my 45 flip-side production of STILL LIFE WITH WOODPECKER.

If we can not get the legit film rights, at a reasonable price, then we will just have to rip off your basic rip-off concept using my team of mean little midget lawyers who have some really tight-ass connections to my LONE RANGER sidekick darkie Barack Obama.

As of last night, the project's Executive Producer on high informed me that we are going to have to make a serious realistic effort to keep the indie film's budget under $150,000,000.

Obviously, I don't have the last word here, but my whisky rot gut tells me that Gus Van Sant is definitely the director, and you can take his co-written screenplay to the bank on that and shove it up your ass.

Originally, I was thinking Quentin Tarantino. But that's probably a second or third western trilogy situation, filmed somewhere in Free China with the spaghetti plate craft services flown in from Roma, Italy.

We're going to need a bankable redhead of course. For the 3D part where Lindsay Lohan transfigures into a taller more mature and responsible Nicole Kidman figure, and then comes back around between FFing camera stops in bed with me and Gwyneth Paltrow and Charlize Theron and Kate Holmes and Penelope Cruz and Naomi Watts, and you know who.

The key idea behind the film's managed chaotic plot will be based on the rod of Jesus history that was re-born again when I was an LDS missionary in Italy. Which originated in the Lamanite Cook Islands of the new ON STRANGER TIDES movie location where God's lost Christian missionaries came ashore and found dozens of topless Hailee Steinfeld teenagers willing to embrace their message.

GSR/TWN